black dog

“I used many times to touch my own chest and feel, under its asthmatic quiver, the engine of the heart and lungs and blood and feel amazed at what I sensed was the enormity of the power I possessed. Not magical power, but real power. The power simply to go on, the power to endure, that is power enough, but I felt I had also the power to create, to add, to delight, to amaze and to transform.” 

* * * * *

this drawing was inspired by an awareness video about depression, its an interesting video i would say. i like how they portray it with a black dog.

have u ever wonder what kind of black dog inside you? mine is a medium sized one if you ask me. Black Basset Hound mayb? she is a patience dog, but she required to be left alone once awhile and avoid very noisy n crowded place, as she likes to sleep. food always makes her happy. Since she has short legs and long heavy body,which makes her move alitle slow and cant stay long in water,  that might explain why i like to walk around or go for a swim to get my head out off things. hahah

2014 is around the corner, may the black dog within us be more obedient, behave, harmless and maybe more cuddly :)

 
 

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“When you are washing the dishes, washing the dishes must be the most important thing in your life. Just as when you are drinking tea, drinking tea must be the most important thing in your life. Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the whole world revolves—slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future. Live the actual moment. Only this actual moment is life.”

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random gifs

rite now imma cranky miserable old lady. head went rumble jumble again after i tot everything is gonna be A ok. wondering why i have to care so much anway. its mentally and emotionally exhausting. but meh, suck it up. life goes on anyway. dont ask but for now all i wanted to do rite now is hide under my blanket and eat oatmeal or sandwiches. straight forward much? i have no mood to be poetically or artistically expressing myself now

but one thing i "like" about myself is i easily get entertained hahaha. anyway here are some of my favorite gifs for now, who know this might cheer anyone of you, who might having a bad day (dayssss) like me? hahahhahaahh

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the seer

"The future is a puzzle. With many pieces to be sorted. In time, you'll learn to separate what can be from what will be.. but knowing your future would not have made a difference, you would still be powerless to ecape your fate"

I was trying colour markers as drawing mamaterial initially, but the outcome is kinda disappointing. i havent know how to control the strokes of the pens yet.  So i use my my ol' friend.. soft pastels and colour pencils to do some touch up; its turns out much better now. hahaha.

The Seer is a character from the drama "once upon a time". her role might be a minor one, but i think she is the most important characters in the drama. She might look scary at first but I think she is the most interesting character, i like how she thinks and describe about her gifted ability and maybe i like her hair hahahahah!!

i like this drama, eventhough i died alittle in every episode i watched. 

i think i should watch some cute animals videos now. 

 

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roar

 “Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go.

 Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your well being a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful — you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself.”

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blue eyed

i always wanted to get close to a tiger, give them a big big hug even better. hahah. despite they might bite our head off but they are actually very adorable (or maybe is me having soft spot for big fury animals lol) and i love their big cushy cushion paws. 

but i got the chance to cuddle and play with a white tiger cub. This is waaaay beyond my dream hahahah..for me tiger is like a combination of dog and cat. Tiger might have features similar to a cat. but the way they walk and their fur/skin quite similar with a large breed dog. is like best of both world. hahaha

  

as white tiger is kinda famous and highly demand, instead of natural birth; now genetic experiment which involve modified DNA to get the "perfect blue eyed white tiger" which cause some disfigured and abnormal growth in some of those unlucky white tiger; which is kinda sad.

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paper time!

current craving for paper cuttings and painting hahahha. i use acrylic paints, soft pastels and marker pens for this piece. oh ya, not forget bits n pieces of papers i kept . i like to keep left over papers , tissue roll, beautiful wrappers n some other stuffs; you never know when u might need it. just incase u dont know, imma type of "use-whatever-there-is" kind of person hahaha. usually random i have inspires me what to do instead think of what to do and search for material later. 

so i cant deny i'm kind of a rubbish collector hahah. but dont fear, i have a box for it. is like a wonder box; box of everything. hahah 

by the way, this is a map i create; is not any typical tourist kind of map but my version of map featuring places i like and usually go. sandakan is quite a big place, usually occupied with plantation and forest, because of that It has another name call "nature city", which also lead to "always no electricity". so is not big deal if happens 5 hours (or even longer) blackout, we kinda use to it.

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celestial

This is Jakarta Cathedral, is a Roman-Catholic church located in Jakarta, Indonesia. Despite it looks like a castle, i can say this is the most celestial church i seen so far.

You dont know how excited i was, is like a whole different world once enter the church. i try so hard to control myself to remain calm as show some respect; its a church after all. hahahah 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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jump n fall

 

“ 
...Sometimes you fall, spinning through space, grasping for the things that keep you on this earth. Sometimes you catch them. They can be the hands of the people you love. They can be your pets-pups with funny names, cats with ferocious old souls. The thing that keeps you here can be your art. It can be things you have collected and invested with a certain sense of meaning....

Sometimes you keep falling; you don’t catch anything.”   

*

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candycane

"There is no designated time for anything in your life. You don’t have to have your first kiss at any certain time, you don’t have to get married in your 20′s and you don’t have to do anything just because other people think it’s best. In fact, you will be much better off if you just do what your heart says.. "

p/s, random facts about me : i dont celebrate Christmas, but i like to listen to Christmas songs anytime besides on Christmas day itself. bad ass much huh? hahaha Christmas songs usually was my relaxing melodies during high-schools times

i have so much more to improve

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song of the day lol

besides the nice mv, this song is so delightful to hear. everything is so inspiring hahah

"你像那種似乎有點難的歌
但是會越聽越懂得
我像那種似乎很簡單的歌
但是會越聽越深刻"

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red shoes

"Once you're already flying through the free fall
Like the colors in autumn
So bright just before they lose it all"

sometimes, one person’s red might be other people's orange.

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tree hugger

 

 

 

i have a thing for trees. maybe is because i grow up around them. one day if i died, i want my ash to buried under any tree, middle of the jungle the better, (hopefully jungle and trees still exist by then) that's the way i want to give back to the earth for the last time, or at least for a tree.

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梦境

September dream 

"Well you only need the light when it's burning low 
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow 
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low 
Only hate the road when you're missing home 
Staring at the bottom of your glass 
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last 
But dreams come slow and they go so fast "
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 a part of the lyrics which i think is nice from a song. 

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field trip! :D

"when you're with friends, the adventure is the destination"

i'm so grateful and happy to have the chance to hang out with them again and making this trip a remarkable one.

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the land i call my home

frankly speaking, i draw this because i miss drawing animals. those feeling is like me carving for cake or salmon. hahaha..i try to focus on red, blue, yellow and white colours (colours of Malaysia's flag) to show some patriotic spirit in me lol

reminds me those days i always draw twin tower, building or kids in all kind of races, etc during medeka poster competition in my school years; nearly every year. During schooling days, August aka Bulan Kemerdekaan is my fav n busiest month. i always in charge on decorating the classroom, help teacher to decorate some boards around the school hall or corridors, create folio aka scrap book for competition and dont forget those never ending marching (kawad kaki) practice under the hot sun -__- 

Happy Independence Day, Malaysia! i'm proud to be a malaysian speaking rojak, eating rojak lol. hope peace and justice will always be with us :) 

 

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hide and clap

The fairy tale is true. The devil exists. God exists.

This is my "The Conjuring" fanart. just so u know, i'm not really a fan of horror thriller movie, but if i do, it has to be "artistically attractive" for my liking or based on true story hahaha.. and "The conjuring" is a nice movie to watch. i really enjoy the movie, especially the mood and the setting. this movie applied strong heart warming family value and of cause the love between husband and wife; makes me enjoy the movie even more and get all teary at the end :')

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thread

 

"
she speaks riddles and rhymes, seldom making any sort of sense. She runs towards the warmth of blue and startles at the sight of the sun. She never touches the same colour twice and hums away with her thoughts. 

"What if," she says sometimes, with the stars shining bright in her pupils, "what if we dreamt in colours and lived in black and white, and all of our prince charming become real?"

and then she closes her eyes and recalls memories of things that never happened, birthday parties she missed and holidays that got cancelled. she laughs jokes she never heard and murmurs sweet nothings to people who dont exist 

"

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Playground

This is my journal cover design for the Lilla Rogers Talent Search's first assignment. As the theme is about playground. which reminds me of my favorite childhood activity. Finger painting!

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Self Portrait (shared)

found an interesting post which i think is worth sharing: 

credits : http://www.incidentalcomics.com/

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Glass

"We have some impulse within us that makes us want to explain ourselves to other human beings. That’s why we paint, that’s why we dare to love someone- because we have the impulse to explain who we are. Not just how tall we are, or thin… but who we are internally… perhaps even spiritually. There’s something, which impels us to show our inner-souls. The more courageous we are, the more we succeed in explaining what we know."

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Backyard

There's a small land behind my house, a land that dont belong to us, its abandon since we move in so it become our backyard for now until an up coming construction project will be held in the future. 

Vegtables and fruits were grown in my backyard, they fruit so much, and my mom so proud of them. Instead of using fertilizer, she use the good o'l organic way; fruit skins, fish water, and other food waste. My mom have to give away to our neighbors and close friends, as we could not finish them, even squirrel have their shares too. Its kinda annoying sometimes but people always say, fruits eaten by squirrel are the most delicious ones. but too bad we have to eat their left overs lol.

Dead animals are burried there too. Our pet dog which i have no chance to meet her for the last time and some half dead birds i found in the school compound during secondary school which i thought i could save them. 

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Lucky Charms

I'm so excited and nervous as this is my first time selling my clay charms in a bazaar! I even have some custom orders, which is kinda overwhelming. haahah in a good way of course.
 

finger crossed! hopefully people will like my creations as much i love to create them.

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still walking

Having a real job after graduate from Tertiary education is like a new chapter of life, having place that belong after leaving college, get independence financially; one step towards to become an adult, able to give a "satisfying answer" when random people ask about,and maybe something let parents to brag about their kids.

but when things is not what as expected, 

is like when first enter kindergarten, you cant wait to make new friends;  but everybody seems to walk away. either u are just not good enough or, they dont think u belong there. u feel rejected and left out. You told ur parents, ur parents said "its okay, its just the first day of school" but day by day, month by month, things didnt get any better; they just look at u and smile, without a word. but deep down inside you know they worried about you too.

some kids might want u to join them to play, when you just got happy and thought u have friends finally, but before u know it, they already found other kids to join. you even try to change ur self so u can fit in, but things just got worst, especially what u feel. Thats when u know playground can be mean and scary. Others might joke around u dont have any groups; and say u didnt try hard enough. they might not mean anything, but somehow it smacked ur face real hard.





so if u are a lonely lost kid, instead feeling down and desperately change yourself for sake to fit in. why not spend that time to learn about yourself,  improve yourself for YOURSELF sake. If you know yourself alittle bit better, eventually u will know what to do. Road might be longer, or harder, but at least might mayb lead to a brighter sunrise.

It took me nearly a year to learn this lesson. 



P/s : thank you those who give me encouragement all these while and pull me out from this pit; it really means alot to me. 

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my tiny space

Let me introduce you, my favorite space in the room, where i can sit for hours.
Sometimes might ended up with butt ache lol.. but its okay.  hahahah!

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