one last standing

one thing i like about posting stufs in my blogspot is i dont have to care who is reading or whenever i want to post. them as my blog is most probably unknown (expect those who care.. hahaha.. thanks guys :)
mayb that;s how my blog's name work. heheh!

nomatter how less visitor my post have. but sometimes i do hope specifically someone will read my blog

mayb that;s how my blog's name work. x3

As i grow up, i realize i'm type of person who never handle " the fact" well, especially "ugly truth". mayb is because the incertitude within me jumble around in my mind and cause me somehow brain damage for thinking too much :/ so since a kid, its hard for me to know my school result, or specific questions and i want the answer so desperately. Even know my own weight is killing me. trust me i haven't weight myself almost a year. haha!

just like after i got the news that my granny died last year, i was totally emotionless. i feel nothing. at first i tot probally is because i have not much deep relationship with my granny who we viist her once a year, hardly even comunicate as i dont share the same language and she cant even recognise me. At some point i think i was heartless. i really feel bad about myself.

During her funeral, parents ask me to see her for the very last time. i dare not look at her, i dont know why i dare not look at her , probably is i was afraid of dead body, makes me feel like an useless granddaughter, i dont know, After an hour of "mentally preparation" i finally take my step to "see her". At the very right moment after i look at her. she was sleeping in her coffin. the snow white scene started to play in my head. and that;s the time the message really register my head " she went to heaven"

my tears started to roll.. i cried and cried . and i finally know i'm not heartless, i just dare not face the fact that my grandma was already flew to heaven.

people may have many enemies but i always believe the greatest and only enemy we have is always ourselves . when we feel down, is not people around pull us down but is our inner voice who pull us down, nobody can make us feel bad or control how we feel but our own. no doubt that tons for good opportunities flew away because of our inner voice, makes us dare not move our step . but sometimes i do believe is our fate, who knows the so called good opportunities is a bad one and mayb that;s the right thing to do to prevent worst might happen..

see, i'm giving myself excuses again -__________-"

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♥ no copy cat please :)   © -Jean Lynn- I'm little bit of everything 2014

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