"you have changed" pt1

its been awhile seen i last updated my blog; i was busy with stuffs while listening to podcast (if there is actually someone care to know that is. hahaha)

random topic been floating around my head for awhile. maybe it is not blog-worthy but at least its something i can occupied my blog hahaha :

i used to be a non coffee drinker. because coffee gives me headache and i will be extra sleepy later. but i do like ice blended or frappacino once awhile. ( for the whipped cream of cause) 

but since after i work in a cafe 1 and half  years ago. at first i was just helping out and eventually i learn to brew coffee thus i need to taste the coffee shots (learn to differentiate good n badly brewed coffee) 

for the first few weeks was a disaster for me. i got bad headache after a cup .. it was so bad i would just sleep during my days off... so i was a "barista-who-dont-drink-coffee" but slowly my body starting to tolerate coffee; without having big stupid headache..and in fact starting to enjoy drinking coffee.. 

at this point people around me starting to be surprise;  "since when you drink coffee??" they asked. this kinda caught me off guard... thinking.. "oh my god.. i've changed.." 

but slowly i realize that i really need my "coffee fix" everyday, i get a big headache whenever i don't have my coffee before evening (how ironic ) ; one time i even vomited  n stay in bed towards the day and im not being dramatic here.(how i know it is because i skipped my coffee u asked? because i already recognize how was the discomfort and the ache was like ) 

now, whenever i got out.. i would excuse myself no matter what , to find a nearest cafe to get my coffee; i would make sure my home have coffee stock up:  i dont want coffee, but i need coffee

yes,  really take my coffee break that seriously. 

Read more...

random

“I don’t want small talk. Text me, and without saying hello, tell me why you got so angry at your sister this morning. Tell me why you have a scar shaped like Europe on the left side of your neck. Send me paragraphs about the time you spent at your grandmother’s house that one summer. Call me when I’m half asleep and tell me why you believe in God. Tell me about the first time you saw your dad cry. Go on for hours about things that may not seem important because I promise that I’ll be hanging on to every word you say. Tell me everything. I don’t want someone who just talks about the weather.”

Read more...

shore

“
It’s messing people up, 
this social pressure to “find your passion” 
and “know what it is you want to do”. 

It’s perfectly fine to just live your moments fully, 
and marvel as many small and large passions,
 many small and large purposes enter and leave your life.

 For many people there is no realization, 
no bliss to follow, no discovery of your life’s purpose. 
This isn’t sad, it’s just the way things are. 

Stop trying to find the forest and just enjoy the trees.
”

Read more...

random

i watched this studding video last month if not mistaken, it has given me quite an impression and i think i will remember this video for some times. 

as the video is deep, no doubt this video will make the audience think; everybody has their one interpretation. 

for me this video reminds me my first life lesson and swear i will never make the same mistake again which is don't change yourself for people;  especially those who manipulate and conceive you need to change; for the better, for your own good... they say. 

they will convince you with their twisted words; condemn you indirectly and makes you believe you wasn't good enough for anything or anyone;  they can ask u too change your style, change your habit. but ask you to change who u really are on the inside for me its quite over the line. 

especially those wants you to change everything about you; strips u into pieces and makes you feel so lost; its like messing up your sense of direction. God knows why that's the time when they choose to walk away. 

Read more...

happy new year

"I’ve learned that no matter what happens, 

or how bad it seems today, 

life does go on, 

it will be better tomorrow. 

I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person 

by the way he/she handles these three things:

a rainy day, 

lost luggage, 

and tangled Christmas tree lights. 

I’ve learned that regardless 

of your relationship with your parents, 

you’ll miss them 

when they’re gone from your life. 

I’ve learned that making a “living” 

is not the same thing as making a “life.” 

I’ve learned that life sometimes 

gives you a second chance. 

I’ve learned that whenever 

I decide something with an open heart, 

I usually make the right decision. 

I’ve learned that even when I have pains, 

I don’t have to be one. 

I’ve learned that every day 

you should reach out and touch someone. 

People love a warm hug, 

or just a friendly pat on the back. 

I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. 

I’ve learned that people 

will forget what you said, 

people will forget what you did, 

but people will never forget how you made them feel."

good bye and thank you 2014

Read more...

flower soul

"...If we are betrayed, we know the words to say; when a loved one dies, we know the words to say. If we want to play the stud or the smart-ass or the fool, we know the words to say. We are all working from the same dog-eared script.

It’s a very difficult era in which to be a person, just a real, actual person, instead of a collection of personality traits selected from an endless Automat of characters.

And if all of us are play-acting, there can be no such thing as a soul mate, because we don’t have genuine souls.

It had gotten to the point where it seemed like nothing matters, because I’m not a real person and neither is anyone else.

I would have done anything to feel real again...

”

Read more...

bloom

today i'm going to share something random but yet personal and somethings means alot to me, its like updating my college self. (she should know about tissss) 

beginning of this year i remember xing called.. wanted to meet up she said. turns out she wanted me to meet her boyfriend; and i was one of her first friend to meet him. usually i'm quite reluctant meeting new people but u can imagine how excited and happy i was. she was first roommate (and only) from college; thanks to her she makes my hostel life a very memorable one. We shares a room; nearly facing each other nearly everyday either complain on my artblock n assignments or her piles of books which she needs to memories and reports she need to write or count. Share each other story from class until we know each other classmates. sometimes imagine when we gonna meet our first boyfriend in college (fyi : we didnt meet any lololol )  and long phone calls once awhile during uni years as we are both study in different places about some flowers might bloom but didnt; seeing each other grow. i met her boyfriend, he is a great guy if u ask me (im good in "scanning" people haha); both of them are like high school sweet heart kinda couple; and its almost a year now but i still feel so lovey dovey and soo happy for her. 

another friend of mine, she was one of my close friend from college too; we used to share a mutual friend; we are not classmates;  staying in different block and totally we have different style (and she is so much prettier haahaha). little did i know either after she heard me listen to taylor swift song or vice versa and the rest is history. Both of us like high school musical too ( at tat time seldom ppl listen to taylor swift's especially before "love story" and no surprise no one likes HSM; in our circle of friends at least. She often knocks my room door out of the sudden; invite herself in and we will chat and pillow talk for hours. Both of us were little downer, emotional yet both blind optimist, thus we understand each other well. so its kinda heart-aching when seeing her being so strong especially what she needs to deal (thank god things are getting better)  and those guys who broke her heart and makes her sad for years until sometimes i dont know what to say anymore to makes her feel better which she might think i was sick of listening her but actually not.  so now knowing she finally found a great guy who really treats and loves her well; i have happy warm n fuzzy feeling inside.

i've been waiting these days since college year had finally come. how nice if i could meet my college self. so we can be all excited and happy for them together  hahaha. 

Read more...

#inktober

this is some of the doodle for inktober last month. i had fun participating. i able practice more detailed and refine neat line but i think messy suits me more haha. i also practice in creating more variety of character design and i'm still working on my "signature" style especially for character design.

how weird sometimes you think you have really really found it but you think you didn't at the next second.  

Read more...

moss

“Find meaning. Distinguish melancholy from sadness. Go out for a walk. 
It doesn’t have to be a romantic walk in the park, spring at its most spectacular moment, flowers and smells and outstanding poetical imagery smoothly transferring you into another world. 

It doesn’t have to be a walk during which you’ll have multiple life epiphanies and discover meanings no other brain ever managed to encounter. 

Do not be afraid of spending quality time by yourself. Find meaning or don’t find meaning but ‘steal’ some time and give it freely and exclusively to your own self. Opt for privacy and solitude. 

That doesn’t make you antisocial or cause you to reject the rest of the world. But you need to breathe. And you need to be.”

Read more...

below

Usually i prefer to snap photos of my feet rather than my face.
Sometimes is not just what in-front of us are camera-capture-worthy
or mayb i just like to snap photos of my feet.

Read more...

princess

There's one incidence which i remember lately; happen when i was a still very young; a small piece of my childhood i could say.

my mom was frying some fish for lunch and as me who always love to watch my mom cooking, i stand there watching her. Usually my mom welcome us to watch her cook, so "u will know how to cook when you grow up". but tat time my mom shoo me away from the kitchen say, " do you want to be snow white?  dont come near here. u might get burn by the hot oils. later you will get ugly scars and as ugly as the evil queen.." 

as i was 6-7 years old.. i didnt think much.. and of cuz i would stay as far as i could because i dont want to be an ugly evil queen. everyone wants to be the snow white! 

this was used to be a normal incident but dont ask me why i remember this so clear but as i get older, this incidence and it kinda hit me. my mom shouldn't say that! mom cooks and clean for the family and imagine all the scars she got from burning oil or cuts from knife which make her hands unpretty and rough; does that makes mom an evil queen? of cuz the hell no. all she do is for her family. 

As i grow up, i kinda lost respect to those ppl who wouldn't get their hands dirty for sake of their pretty smooth clean hands. hello, all Disney princess do cleaning and house chores before they meet their prince charming and get their happily ever after.

if i could go back to the time i was a kid, i would like to tell my mom, i dont want to be a selfish snow white. 

or mayb i sould tell her now but that would be weird .. as i dont think she even remeber this incidence haahaha. 

p/s :
i love you mom.

Read more...

now

“Food doesn't taste better or worse when documented by Instagram. 
Laughter is as genuine over Skype as it would be sharing a sofa. 

Pay attention. 
Take in nature, hold someone’s hand, read a book. 

But don’t ever apologize for snapping a photo of a sunrise after a hike, or blogging about the excitement of having a crush, or updating your goodreads account. All of these things are good and should be celebrated. 

Smile at strangers on the sidewalk and like your friends’ selfies. 
It’s all good for the human spirit.”

Read more...

run

“Sometimes I think n worry a lot; it really frustrated me. I really don’t know what to do or how to tell anyone how my mind scramble up like into a big tangled string ball; about life , future or anything. Peoplel will think is small patty stuffs I’m stress about. I don’t think any1 will listen n if they really do ; I don’t think they understand. I don’t want to be any burden to people I care; bugging them with my tangled mind. Even now, every word I typed; I think people will judge me how useless, dramatic n emotional I am; included myself. "


*this watercolour painting of mine was inspired by snow golem from the adventure time. that awkward snowman hahah.  i have to say, "thank you" is my fav episode.

Read more...

close up

"This is me. Just as a flower does not choose its color, we are not responsible for what we have come to be. Only once you realize this do you become free, and to become adult is to become free. "

Read more...